In sixth grade, I made another of my random life decisions that has lead to something that is a huge part of my life. Honestly, that's how I make all of my decisions. I randomly decided to join cross country as a fall sport once I was in sixth grade and eligible to participate in after-school competitive sports. I always played sports: from tee-ball to softball, from basketball, now to cross country. I always ran for basketball to stay in shape, so I figured, why not? Joining cross country was the first step in my becoming a three season athlete physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Like all athletes, I had a rough beginning with the sport. I remember two things that stuck out to me: one time, someone asked me, "Nikki, do you do cross country because your parents told you to, or because you felt like it?" Another time, I remember my coach telling us that we were going to run four miles during practice, and I remember thinking "Four miles????!?! What?" However, in 7th and 8th grade I was either second or third place every race. I realized that I liked the feeling of flying through the woods, trekking up the hills, and sailing into that finish line. I lived to grab that popsicle stick at the finish line.

It was only natural for me to run in high school. It was also helpful that a few girls from my private middle school also ran for my high school. There were so many of us, that there was a joke that we just took over the team. The familiarity helped me assimilate into the team, which helped me adapt to high school culture in general. I had been running with the girls all summer at captain's practices three days a week, and we had practices with the coach and the full team a week before school started. That was nice for two reasons: I got to keep up on all the drama of my hometown of the summer, and when school started, I had someone to talk to or eat lunch with if I didn't have any friends to eat with. 

My high school team.

The first few years of high school, I wasn't what you would call an elite athlete. I didn't make varsity until junior year, and that was only for one race. It was a combination of me being not "varsity level", and other girls being naturally better. I say naturally, because though I am not a "natural" of any sorts, nor was I born with the perfect running body, but I am a hard worker. When giving out an award to me, my coach would say, "If I told Nikki to run into a wall, she would." The thing is, I probably would. My college coach said the same thing. Every hill workout, long run, and repeat workout, I would do the brunt of it without complaining. My senior year I saw my times drop and my ranks improve, along with my confidence level.

However, I was still convinced that I wasn't going to run in college. I wasn't top varsity so I didn't think that I would be good enough to be competitive in college. However, before my college orientation, I searched the times of the women's team for their 5Ks and I realized that I could totally be competitive with them. That, the fact that it is a DIII school, and that I met the coach and a future teammate and friend, Claire, at orientation and they were really nice solidified the fact that I was going to be an NCAA athlete in the future.

After my first college race. We had to drive to New Hampshire and got caught in traffic. We showed up the race five minutes before the gun went off, so we weren't stretched or warmed up at all. I also ran with a newly opened scab that I had to have someone haphazardly wrap on the bus. You can see the wrapping, I'm the fourth one from the right. Everyone said that they would have quit if it was their first race, but I would never quit. I would give anything to go back to how things were there.

Joining the SSU cross country team was the best decision I ever made in my collegiate life. It helped me in a similar way socially as it did in high school. Moving in early and taking a ferry from Boston to Spectacle Island to do mile repeats was a bonding experience I could never have with any other group of friends. Now, I can call my team some of the best friends I will ever have and will ever meet.

In my first year of intercollegiate competition, I was either second or third place every race, and had a 22:52 PR for a 5K time. My second year, I was either third or fifth place every race and had 23:34 PR for my 5K. Even though every "tempo Tuesday", hill repeat, ten mile run on Sundays, and 

nerve-wracking race was difficult, terrifying, and testing but was so worthwhile. Even in the moment when I hated it, I lived for it. I loved every minute of it. I loved myself for keeping to it, dedicating and disciplining myself. I kept my body and mind in great shape. Through being a collegiate athlete, I have gained time-management, professional, and team building skills. I've gotten to run in beautiful places such as Mt. Greylock, Colt State Park, Gallows Hill, Salem Willows, Marblehead Neck, Castle Rock, Spectacle Island, Salem-Beverly Bridge, many beauty rail trails around Massachusetts. I've gotten the opportunity to meet a great group of individuals that I can call my team, friends, and support system.

A very cold conference meet this year. I'm in the second row on the right.

If you couldn't already tell by the sappiness of this post, the university due to budget problems has chosen to cut the cross country program from the athletic roster. I've dealt with this many ways these past fews weeks: anger, tears, rant, despair, etc. However, I thought it would only be right to get some feelings out with a blog post. Cross country has been in my life for eight years. Running will never stop for me. My team will always be my team, my coach my coach, my friends my friends, my awards my awards, my miles ran my miles ran. They can take my program from me, but they can't take my feet from me.  They will never take the open road from me. I will always stay running.

Our first race this year. Lady Viking huddle!

I feel like a part of me is gone. Cross country has been ever-present in my life sine sixth grade. Even though I played basketball, softball, and lacrosse, I was always just wishing it could be fall again so I could toe the line with my best friends. There was no off-season. Where do I go from here? A running club is going to be started at the University. There is some interest in that. I'll do that to stay in shape and do the thing I love, but, in all honesty it's not the same. The administration knows it's not the same. I'll take the bone they're throwing at us for now, but I know half of my effort in the running club will be fundraising so that in two more years or so, the administration can see the funds raised and perhaps raise cross country to varsity level again. I won't be here for it, but if I can no longer be benefitted by the perks of being a collegiate athlete, I want another lost freshmen to find their place through such a great sport.

Since we have our extra furniture, we would have more room along the wall, but we made do. We lined up the dressers and extra desk to put our TV, printer, and other body sprays and pictures on. I used to like having all of my posters above my bed, but I don't mind them lining the wall. As you can see, we have enough wall lights to make enough light for us to function without turning the actual lights on.

This is my desk with all the usual desk fixings: dry-erase calendar, desk organizer, mirror, makeup, HerCampus sticky notes, sponge (random), and makeup/brush organizer. Why have a vanity and a work desk when you can combine both?

Under a very tricky extension cord setup are my books: The Penguin Handbook, "Women in Clothes", The Associated Press Stylebook, Grace Helbig's "Grace's Guidebook", "It" by Alexa Chung, Sarah Dessen's "Just Listen", Gossip Girl: "Nobody Does it Better", the Associated Press Guide to Grammar and Punctuation, and 1984 by George Orwin.

This is just a basic shot of our microwave and fridge near my closet, but I wanted to highlight my basket. I got it at Marshalls over break to keep all a few things that were just hanging on top of my microwave: paper towels, my infuser bottle, my k-carafe, produce, and room spray. There's also a picture of my friends and I washing our faces, because why not? I'm the one in the middle.

My mess of a closet! I try to keep it an organized mess. My order is: Sweatshirts, active wear, dresses, blazers, cardigans, nice tops, vests, my organizer, and outerwear. I love my organizer! I keep my bags inside and my hats, running accessories, and gloves outside.

This is what I meant by putting the extra furniture to use.

image credit

image credit

So, I figured why not play pretend that I'm a professional chef or foodie. If I had a spot on the "Best Thing I Ever Ate" panel, this is what I would say about my favorite pasta dish: the Tuscan Kitchen Cappellacci Salad.

My mother and I split the cappellacci salad for an appetizer.

I got a roasted rosemary half chicken with butternut squash, and spinach with walnuts and pancetta.

My mother got cod over a risotto and a walnut misto.

My dad went hard, not home. He a pizza with beef meatballs, roasted chicken, ricotta cheese, and onions.

What's the best dish you've ever eaten?

image credit

Seeing how others live

When I travel, even if its a few towns over, just seeing how others live inspires me. Where is there local grocery store? What is the biggest, closest city? What do people do for work? I put myself in their place, and compare my life and theirs. It puts my own life in perspective.

Dreaming

Don Draper on Mad Men said, "If you need an idea, just stop thinking about it, then after a while, think about it again." The same works for me with dreaming. My best notions and ideas come to me from my dreams.

Nature

Hikes, walking, running, sightseeing, kayaking, canoeing, you name it. I'm inspired that God and science put in place such a natural, beautiful cycle that has created wonders for us to feast our eyes on. In nature, no one worries. Something is destroyed so in a few million more years, something even more beautiful can spring up in its place.

Music lyrics

I like to listen to lyrics that are sad and deep. I'm not sure why, but sad music makes me happy. It lifts me up. 

Listening to others' stories

Just listening to someone telling either a story or of a problem they're having inspires me. Like above, it puts my life in perspective. 

My dreams

This time, by dreams, I mean goals. Sometimes I think about where I want my life to go, mostly in the shower, and then I get this little fire burning inside of me. The fire wants me to do this and this and this and that and this just to get my life on track.

That's what inspires me. What inspires you? Here's a list from Angie of ways to truly love yourself this year:

1. Minute Brown Rice

The brand Minute makes little brown rice cups that are ready in only one minute! Pair this with a low-fat cheese stick and some sliced red peppers to balance it out with vegetables and protein. Brown rice cups over pudding cups, right? Here are the nutrition facts:

As you can see, they are low on fat, sugar, and sodium, however, they have 5g of protein, which is pretty decent. That's definitely more than white rice. 230 calories is almost halfway to 500, fill up the other 270 with your peppers and cheese stick, and maybe some green tea. 500 is a decent-sized meal on the go. Note how small the ingredient list it! Another great thing about these cups is that they're already pretty flavorful, so no need to add condiments or butter.

2. Annie's Homegrown Mac 'n' Cheese

You guys probably saw this coming. Annie's brand is more of an all-natural, non-GMO, grass-fed, earthy-crunchy company. The more natural food the body intakes, the healthier! My favorite product of theirs is their white cheddar mac 'n' cheese cup. Here are the nutrition facts:

I would pair this snack with a nice, crisp apple. An apple and mac 'n' cheese, it brings you back to childhood, huh?

If you're ever worried about fitting in your veggies, grab a Bolthouse farms drink. Just like all the microwaveable meals, these juices are made to make our lives easier. These drinks were made for those who don't have time to juice their own produce, like those meals are made for those who don't have time to cook their own meals.

That's how I'm "healthy in a pinch" as you would say! It's not as rewarding as savoring your food you slaved over a hot skillet or juicer for, but it'll do the trick. These are all reasonably priced, GMO-free, natural, healthy, and delicious.

I was not paid or sponsored by any of these companies, all opinions are my own.

Candice Huffman, plus-sized model pictured above, has recently been made the first plus-sized model to adorn a page in the Pirelli Calendar. A plus-sized model legendary Calendar is not only a huge step for plus-sized fashion, but for the body image acceptance movement everywhere. As a body positive proponent, I have mixed feelings about this. I'm excited for this, but it's not a huge breakthrough. Whenever something like this occurs, in any rights or acceptance movement, I always questions why it even matters.

Why do we separate plus sized and regular models? Doesn't it feel foolish that we have to categorize women with more to their curves as separate than women with less? No wonder there's the stigma felt when walking into a plus-sized women's store. I just wonder, since when does plus sized mean curvy? Just like love means love when we're referring to the LGBTQ movement, beauty is beauty. Am I totally out of left field here?

This was beauty back in the 40s. For a time not too long ago, our perceptions have changed so much.

In an extreme effort to exude body confidence, Amani Terrel, parades the body that she loves on Hollywood Boulevard. She states:

"You cannot seek validation from other people, this world is 

very cruel, You must seek validation within yourself and be kind to yourself."

She speaks so much truth here. Those seeking rights and acceptance must reminds themselves to stay strong in a world of unacceptance. In the end, we are our own best friends and our own worst enemies. Some people think that the body positive movement can lead to projecting obesity, however, being a health-conscious individual, I'm obviously not doing that.

I'm not a proponent of gaining weight, I'm a proponent of accepting what you have. Curvy, straight, thin, thick, black, white, whatever you may be. Flaunt what you want and be all about that bass!

1. How do you think the plus-sized movement shapes the landscape of society?

2. How do you think the landscape of society has formed the plus-sized movement?

3. How has it affected you? 

I got my tragus pierced! You can still see the blood drying here still, yikes! This picture was taken almost immediately after, so don't freak out. I've wanted this piercing for about a year now! I have my two holes and my cartilage. The friend that I went with has her tragus pierced, but not her cartilage. Now, we complete each other. We both have the same piercings: tragus and cartilage. I went on a whim. I feel like the best decisions, for me at least, are made on a whim!

This picture is from the first week of break for me. The girl on top is my good friend Alex (the one I got my piercing with), and the bottom picture is my friend from school and radio show co-host Dominique. Dominique lives about an hour and a half from the school we go to, and I only live about 45 minutes. She was still at school to take a final, while no one else was at school. I had her come and sleep at my house. We went out to the hookah bar in New Hampshire near my house where these pictures were taken!

This is a still from a video I posted last Saturday. I saw a christmas show of a few of my favorite bands in Worcester, MA. The bands that played were A Loss For Words, State Champs, and Four Year Strong. It had been soooo long song I've been to a good pop punk show and "threw down" in the pit, and I did! I still have the bruise on my leg to prove it. I may love cute and preppy things, but my taste in music is surprising, I know.

Ah, my first sight of home after driving back from school. I saw this tell-all sign that I knew I was back in Lowell right after I got off the highway. The city of Lowell lights up this tree every holiday season. I swear it can be seen in every spot in Lowell.

This is one of my favorite scenes in the woods near my house where I run. After a long, hard cross country season followed by the holiday break, sometimes I forget why I love to run. Then, I see this. #ShitRunnersSee, right? Now, I'm excited for the pre-season training for my next cross country season and training for my half marathon this summer.

I thought I'd end it with my favorite picture from NYE. I spent mine at Nick's friend's place right outside of Boston. I have to say, it was one of my favorite NYE's in a while. I'm so ready to kill it in 2015. I've made great improvements in 2014, but I'm ready to buckle down and get the ball rolling in 2015  - in my life, my blog, my school, my internships and jobs, etc. Time to get productive!